I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
