You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
