so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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