So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
