Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
