I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
