3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
