I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
