I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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