I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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