You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
