yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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