Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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