Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
