she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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