No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
