I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
