um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
