Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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