i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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