i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
