he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My pussy is not your playground.
two words: eviction party
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
