just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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