I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
