Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize