I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
