You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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