I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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