Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
