I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
