he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
These tits shall not be calmed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
