we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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