I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
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Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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