i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
