I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
