I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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