I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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