I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
