I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
