just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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