there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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