Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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