So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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