you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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