just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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