hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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