i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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