Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
