you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
