9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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