End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
