You made me cry and you don't even care
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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