just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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