dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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