Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
