I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
