it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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