you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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