I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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