mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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