I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize